It's a lovely Saturday morning. I get up, put in an hour of practice (all the way across campus, no less), pretend to be athletic at the SRC, and take a shower, all by 11:30. Feeling excellent about my productivity for the morning, I make my way to the dining hall (hereafter "Saga") for some serious brunchin'. I get excited as I approach, seeing at least half the people I pass carrying one, two, or even three bananas.
(Side note: bananas, I have learned, are only available at Saga on Saturday and Sunday mornings at brunch.)
This means bananas haven't run out yet! Even as I swipe my card, people walk past me with bananas in tow. I, nearly giddy with banana joy, make a beeline for the fruit baskets and see...a lack of bananas? Excuse me? This is why I'm here. My purpose in life this week could be to make that banana cake I mentioned a few weeks ago. And that purpose has now been thwarted by the greater Wheaton population. The worst part? This happens every week. It's more disappointing than checking my mailbox and seeing another pizza coupon.*
1. People need to follow the "only take one piece of fruit with you when you leave Saga" rule. Rest of the week, I don't care. Take as many bruised apples and oranges as you want. Saturdays, save some bananas for the rest of us.
2. Saga staff should regulate the replenishing of banana supplies throughout the morning. Don't put them all out at 10. Fifteen minute intervals, a giant-sized gumball machine, special banana monitors - do whatever needs to be done; the problem must be remedied.
3. Saga chefs should realize that we'd clearly rather have plenty of bananas on the weekend than a lame banana bread Monday morning. Seriously.
4. Don't eat ten bananas at one meal. I promise, you can get potassium from other foods. Yes, bananas are rumored to calm nerves and soothe mosquito bites and stimulate production of hemoglobin, but come on. Moderation.
|region orchestra auditions: George calms his nerves|
|What I'd like to see at brunch.|
Seriously, though. These people and their bananas. It's ridiculous.
*new tactic for combating depression: send college students mail. Anything but pizza coupons and ads for study abroad programs. Send it to me at:
501 College Ave.
Wheaton, IL 60187